dreams

I had a dream last night: I was revisiting a scene from my past (which didn't actually happen, but rather it was a dream I had years ago...), in which the familty et al was swimming in this pool that was beside a large river, kind of a wayside of sorts. My brother was already there, and my father and uncle and cousins... I was showing someone else this memory, like I had gone back in time. And I say to them, "oh, I'm about to arrive, I came late with my mother." Then we see my mother swim up the river with a five-year-old me, and get into the pool where the family is swimming and playing. The child-me looks extremely fragile, like those kids who have a slight autism, more vulnerable than the rest. His baby hair is very sparse in one place (as if he'd had brain-surgery??) I feel sorry for him, for his weakness, his difference, his fragility. And just then he looks at me, our eyes lock, and there's a flash of understanding in his eyes, as if he knows he is looking at himself. I feel exposed for a second, before he looks away and starts playing with my mother who is holding him.